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Jag kan inte beskriva känslan jag har i mig just nu. Idag har varit den första BRA dagen på så himla länge! Jag har varit så himla glad idag, jag har skrattat och fram för allt KÄNT MIG SOM MIG SJÄLV IGEN. Fan vad fint med vänner som flyger på en och kramar en. Kan inte beskriva känslan när jag idag återvände till skolan och blev påhoppad av de finaste människorna och kände mig så himla uppskattad och älskad. Att få höra att man har varit saknad och att bara för att sedan bli behandlad precis som vanligt och bara känna att absolut ingenting har förändrats. Jag kan inte sluta le för det har varit en sådan fin dag! Jag kan inte sluta tänka att jag för första gången på så länge känner HOPP och känner LIVSGLÄDJE. Nu vet jag att det finns en framtid och den är ljus, jag ska inte må såhär förevigt och idag var den första bra dagen och det kommer komma så många fler, enda tanken jag kan tänka just nu. 
 
Idag finns det inga negativa tankar!


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Postat av: Saga_cool

En diagnos. En kronisk sjukdom. En allvarlig sjukdom. Av det, kommer man gå igenom sorg, rädsla, ilska, ångest, stress. Man kommer uppleva världens och livet som en jävla plåga. Man kommer undra varför jag drabbas av detta? Du, som inte fått lida nog av sjukdomar?

Sjukdomar har tagit människor i din närhet. Kanske är du även därför också lite rädd. För du har sett sjukdom vinna förut, på människor som var så starka och så viktiga. Kanske klarar du inte av sjukhus, tabletter och sjukdom för att det påminner om en tid du aldrig mer vill uppleva. Känna. Leva. Kanske är du lite rädd för att din familj ska känna "Inte igen."

Dagar kommer vara läskiga. Ingen vet hur dom ser ut. Kommer jag ha ont? Kommer jag sluta som dom man läser om i tidningar? Du vet en sak iallafall. En sak som är viktigare än något annat. Viktigare än eventuell smärta eller högst konkreta biverkningar. Det är att du lever. Och att den här sjukdomen inte kommer ta det ifrån dig. Den får inte, den kan inte.

Du är starkare än sjukdomen. Du skakar, darrar... men i slutet av dagen skrattar du. Och det slår din sjukdom rakt i ansiktet tusen gånger om. Du behöver inte vara rädd. Men ibland - låt någon annan bära din rädsla eller smärta, låt någon annan oroa sig.

Lita på mig när jag säger detta:
- Du kommer ha ett underbart liv.
- Du kommer vara en förebild och stöd i mångas liv som kanske drabbats av samma sak eller behöver någon som är starkare än starkast.
- Du kommer resa. Oj, vad du kommer uppleva världen. Jag vet, att hur rädd du än är så är du äventyrslysten och du är spontan. Jag vill ha med dig till så många ställen vi ska besöka. Jag vet att du och jag kommer uppleva världens på så många och galna sätt. Jag har redan bestämt att vi ska till:
- Australien, hälsa på din syster? Hänga på stranden, surfa, skrika hysteriskt efter en orm eller gigantisk spindel som tar sig in. Eller varför inte en alligator, med vår tur.
- Nya Zeeland. Fatta att vi ska hoppa Bangy Jump här- jodu, jag ska tvinga med dig. Förstå att flyga genom luften där. Om inte det får en att känna sig levande och full av adrenalin. Vad gör då det? Vi ska besöka byn där Sagan om ringen spelades in. Föreviga alla sagolika miljöer med både kamera och främst - våra sinnen.
- Vi ska tågluffa. Jo, genom Italien. Men också genom andra länder. Grekland, Spaninen. Frankrike. Uppleva allt som går att uppleva. Man behöver inte oändligt med pengar. Man behöver mod.
- Vi ska sitta på en av öarna från Mamma mia. Med turkost hav, vita husväggar och rosa blommor. I flera veckor. Bli bruna, få solblekt hår, fräknar. Få dykarcerfikat och snorkla bland havets oändliga mångfald. Och viktigast av allt - du ska få din högsta dröm uppfylld: Simma med delfiner.
- Vi ska också besöka platser som får oss att tänka. Och vara tacksamma. Auschwitz Birkenau. Hur män, kvinnor, barn, inte ens fick en chans. Där tog ingen sjukdom dom iväg. Utan någon ännu mer konkret - människan.

Men sen kommer också tiden om många år. När vi levt, upptäckt och skrattat. När datorn, USB, kameran och Facebook är fyllt med bilder från våra resor. Då kommer du göra något ännu viktigare. Skapa rättvisa för människor. Du ska gå i rättsalens korridorer med en million dollar suit, och försvara med råge. Och vet du vad du kan säga då? "Fuck you, MS. Och fuck you, alla som någon gång tryckt ner mig. För här står jag, svinsnygg, och jag har klarat var ni har klarat, om inte mer, med en jävla sjukdom. Och jag vinner över den varje dag. Och jag mår så jävla bra"

Jag tror det, Matilda. Jag vågar tro stenhårt på det. På vad du kommer lyckas med. På våra resor. Jag kommer uppmuntra dig när du inte vill. Om du är rädd för framtiden (Och det med all rätt) så säger jag att "Det är ingen fara längre, jag vet att du klarar det" - du har 2 skyddsänglar som kommer finnas med hela tiden. När du inte ser dom, finns dom ändå där, och dom kommer påverka i alla beslut du tar. Och dom kommer skänka dig mod och lycka när du saknar det som mest.

Jag älskar dig. Jag är så jävla tacksam för att du

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